I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
