Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Randomize
