I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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