he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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