I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Randomize
