Apparently you make a good broom.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Randomize
