He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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