I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
try to milk me bitch
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