Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
