i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
