I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
