remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
