I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
where am i from again
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
