the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Randomize
