Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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