Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
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