"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
