hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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