hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Randomize
