Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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