I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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