There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Randomize
