So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
