You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
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