I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
