yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
