@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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