my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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