yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
