how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
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