i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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