Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Dicks are not precious.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
