Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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