he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Randomize
