WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
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