I accidentally burped into my bong.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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