fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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