My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
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