I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Pants are for mortals
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
