I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Come share oat with me in your robe
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
