So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
