Three words: puerto rican gang bang
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
