so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I don't want my vagina anymore.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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