You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
