True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Is Oprah even human
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
