I want to stick my p in your. b.
Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
