Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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