she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Randomize
