I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
