WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
