He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
