You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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