i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
