Got a toothbrush?
I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
