It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
