Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
