I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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