it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
