"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
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