I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
