I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
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